To begin, I’ll start with a simplified way to think about the way we all develop. Each of us comes into the world as a helpless baby that needs lots of caregiving. It seems that Nature intended that care be given by the biological parents. When Mother is able to give birth, hold baby on her chest, nurse, and keep baby close, the newborn feels safe and protected. The infant should feel nurtured and like its needs are being met—and then expect that they will be met in the future. This is the design that Nature intended for each us; to feel a sense of WORTHINESS. This is the first task for us to learn—that we are safe and loved and, therefore, our infant minds conclude that we are worthy of love. Unfortunately, most of us did not have those experiences. Dr. Dorothy Gates talked about three major tasks that each of us encounters in her Spectra Dynamics seminars. She explored the work of Joseph Chilton Pearce and Piaget, an early psychologist. Worthiness is the first of these three steps which we ideally take to have successful lives. Feeling worthy is something to ponder. Are you getting the love, the recognition, the rewards that you consciously know you deserve? If not, there may be an old program operating outside of your awareness that is keeping those things just out of reach.
When we begin to attend school we interact with others. That’s when we attempt to fit in. We are developing a sense of BELONGING. Again, fitting in with our peers is important. We don’t give up our uniqueness, but to belong we make friends and we like feeling supported by others.
The last task in this philosophy is developing COMPETENCE. We begin to feel capable, able of standing on our own two feet. Some people become very competent, but it can be deceptive because this could overcompensate for feeling unworthy or not belonging to the group. We’ll talk lots more about these developmental tasks later.
Another way to look at development is to consider Erik Erikson’s point of view. This developmental psychologist identified either/or objectives for eight stages over the lifespan. The first stage of life, according to Erickson, is birth to 12 months. I’ll point out here that time spent in the womb is totally discounted. I’ll add that stage in other sections.
The task of this stage of life is to develop TRUST! If we don’t learn to trust during this period, we may never completely trust others. Mistrust, the opposite of Trust, of course, affects all relationships over time. This is a fundamental lesson and we learn it at the hands of our caregivers. If they meet our needs, then we learn to trust the world and the people in it. If our needs are not met, we feel betrayed, like those who are supposed to care for us, don’t! We’ll discuss this more when we talk about attachment.
Erikson proposed the second stage of life occurs from age one to three. The task here is to develop AUTONOMY. If we are given opportunities to be independent, to do things on our own, we gain a sense of self-sufficiency. However, when we are criticized, harshly disciplined, or not allowed to make mistakes we develop shame and subsequently doubt ourselves.
The third stage happens from age three to age six. Our task is to take INITIATIVE. When we express our creativity, our uniqueness, we feel good about ourselves. If we are discouraged by authority figures, put down, or told what we do is not good enough, we develop a sense of guilt. This can shut down our sense of purpose, that we have something valuable to contribute to life.
The fourth stage occurs between six and eleven. We are entering puberty, defining ourselves, and, in Pearce’s terms, becoming competent. The task is defined as INDUSTRY versus Inferiority. If we don’t engage in life and find ways to be productive, we can become lethargic which can result in a sense of being less than, sometimes referred to as having an inferiority complex.
Adolescence is the fifth stage in this system. Here we establish our IDENTITY—or the opposite, what Erikson called Confusion about our role in life. We might begin to ask, “Who am I?” without sensing clearly who we are.
Early Adulthood comes next. Do we isolate or can we create Intimacy with another? Can we make a commitment?
Middle Age brings us either Self-absorption or GENERATIVITY. Are our concerns now merely for ourselves or do we expand our focus to include our families or society?
The final stage in Erikson’s model is called Old Age. During this phase, a person can feel a sense of fulfillment, have a sense of INTEGRITY. It can also be a time of Dissatisfaction and Despair.